


Peace

by HackdrawerMcHugglesWorthRivertonThe3rd



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Drama, Law Being Dramatic, M/M, Relationship Issues, Sanji Pushing Too Hard, TWO IDIOTS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:49:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26530129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HackdrawerMcHugglesWorthRivertonThe3rd/pseuds/HackdrawerMcHugglesWorthRivertonThe3rd
Summary: Trafalgar Law is looking for peace; Sanji wants to be it for him. But Law needs a psychic to wipe the slate clean, and Sanji's not a psychic.
Relationships: Trafalgar D. Water Law/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	Peace

_**Peace -** _

He recognized the man once he saw him – even if that time of his life was spent wildly trying to find his footing in the world and all he could do was find it in someone else's touch. The trauma he'd endured as a child had roiled like a hot tornado inside of him, and he was only able to find relief in pain. Something he was still trying to work out, today.

Hot, angry visions of hot, angry sex hit him like a fist to the gut. He thought he'd killed this man, but perhaps there was something in him that forgot the reason why he was looking at him today; alive and well, nursing a beer in the shadowed corner of the bar. He was an older man, with gnarled hands that had been rough and unforgiving, leaving bruises on Law like paint. Law was a child back then –in his teens and barely figuring out that sex did not mean comfort. Sex and anger were two things that had been hard to pull apart back then.

Trafalgar Law released breath he hadn't realized he was holding until his face began to burn with straining heat. Above the sounds of an active and overcrowded street – voices, movement, the wash of beyond ocean noises – he could hear his heart racing furiously against his rib cage. Heated and helplessly trapped anger, he supposed, beating through his blood and bulging against his veins. His ears rang with a whining tone that persisted and began to grow in volume, drowning out the sounds of normalcy around him. But he took a breath and uncurled his fists. This anger had no where to go and everything to destroy if he let it.

That memory was new years ago – now he couldn't quite remember just how it played out. His body didn't even remember what happened – not traumatic enough to block out, but also not vivid enough to remember. A normal, non-pirate adult would have been shocked of an older man raping an angry teen but Law had endured too much – too much death, too much destruction, too many losses; this shred of morality was nothing more than a forgotten memory, and he was too numb to remember what morality felt like. He was now shocked more often when confronted with the good flaunted before him.

"Captain?" Bepo whispered tentatively, towering height clearly obvious as his voice floated over Law's bowed head. "Everything cool?"

"No, Bepo, it's not," Law responded tersely, glowering at the brick wall in front of him. It smelled like urine and trash, the alleyway narrow and dirty with discarded litter. The sounds of the bar nearby pounded against the wooden door, where Penguin was watching.

 _Childish_ , Law thought of himself. _I'm a Wanted man, years beyond that stupid kid that I was, and here I am, throwing a mental tantrum in an alleyway that smells like piss._

His eyes turned down to his boots, which were planted in questionable liquid that caused his lip to twist with revulsion. He lifted his head with another exhale, his chest liquid and smoke swirling within at the same time.

The ringing in his ears began to subside gradually, and the sounds of the street began to re-emerge. His heart began to slow to a reasonable pounding, and his stomach wasn't twisting any further.

"Everything alright?" He heard Penguin ask Bepo low. The Mink shrugged. Both of them hadn't been present when these things happened. Law was good at sneaking off. If they knew what he was up to back then…how would they look at him, now? Not that it was any of their business.

 _A panic attack_ , Law assessed, watching his tattooed hand shake as he lifted it. He thought of the peace before the storm at Wano, when his days had been spent in quiet and yet unshakeable tension while they waited for something to happen. He wiped his brow and temples with that hand, then used his jacket to dry it off. He couldn't quite recall why it started – only that the bar had been too small and the patrons' voices too loud. Not that he was in any danger, his crew protective and alert, but in that small space he'd felt suddenly too weak and too vulnerable.

Like a child all over again.

He inhaled deeply then released it with a shudder. Closing his eyes, he felt his head pulsing with panicked thoughts that didn't make any sense.

 _Get a grip_ , he told himself firmly, slapping on his hat and adjusting it roughly. _Hide the evidence._

"We're leaving," he said gruffly, Bepo fretting with a nervous dance. "All of us. Now."

"You heard the Captain!" Bepo then said to Penguin, who saluted before disappearing back into the bar. After his show of strength, Bepo returned to fretting, claws against claws as he made nervous gestures. "Is there a reason why? Are we in any danger?"

"We could be," Law murmured, leading the way out of the alley – but making sure to put space between himself and the bar. The island was loaded with pirates of variety – it was a pleasure palace, a place to entertain, a place to breathe in deep and slow to exhale the rigid anxiety out. They'd made land to round up supplies, and this wasn't how Law wanted to start the excursion. Back then when he'd met the man, he was without his identifiable tattoos, without Kikoku. But he was sure he was recognizable as that angry, traumatized kid that couldn't find comfort without violence.

It had taken him so long to work those issues out that they'd become background noise. Now, confronted with it, Law realized his head was heavy with the weight of his backstory. There was a new sense of shame should the others realize his long ago activities; they were all adults with their own backgrounds, they all had a sense of loyalty and understanding towards each other; but it felt wrong to release this old heaviness onto them. He wasn't the only traumatized kid in the bunch, but sometimes people without that understanding wasn't so forgiving.

Usually his partners would up "Missing" because he was busy making a name for himself and he was too ashamed of his needs to admit them. Having someone speak out now would be dangerous.

Hours later, when his crew was properly sheltered and sharing their merriment over mugs of cold beer and good food at their hotel, he made his way back to the bar. It took a couple of hours, but Law tracked him down and disposed of him – the man didn't even get to see him when Law cut him down with a single stroke of his blade, and left his body to bleed out over the pavement.

Blood glistened and colored the asphalt, and he shouldered his weapon that vibrated with satisfaction. A body before him twitched and jerked in death, and it occurred to him that he felt nothing of the panic previously. He tapped Kikoku over his shoulder with some thought, trying to _feel_ something. As he stood there, he struggled to remember that night that allowed him to remember the man's face and hands, but he could not.

 _Trauma_? He wondered. _Convenient disassociation._

There were too many things he was angry about – that wasn't one of them. He returned to the hotel and gave a lame excuse regarding his absence, partaking in good beer and food that didn't quite make up for a troubling void that reminded him of what sort of person he'd become.

:

"Why am I seeing your ugly mug at this hour at night, when I should be dreaming of beautiful women?"

"Why is it, Blackleg-ya," Law growled ominously, fingers tightening around the mouthpiece as his eyes narrowed, "that I am _always_ in search of you? It's unreasonable, the lengths I go to pinpoint your location…"

"Eat shit, scary guy. Unless you suddenly get tits and ovaries, stop looking for me!"

"Interesting…I'll file that away for later. I have a question for you," Law then said comfortably, watching the transponder snail scowl at him with sleep heavy eyes. His crew was passed out for the night – surrounding him with the warmth of their breath, the heat of their bodies. Bepo snored at his back, allowing Law to use him as a backrest. "When you simp pathetically over a 'woman's tears', how do you know it's actually happening? Do you have the ears of a bat? Or psychic powers that have yet to be revealed?"

" _Hah_?" The snail made a scoffing expression, lips moving with an inhale and exhale of a cigarette. "Let me tell you something, stupid pirate. They say the ability to hear the Voice of All Things is a power likened to the greater mysteries of this world, but they refuse to talk about those that hear the voice of women in distress. The greatest power of all is hearing the tears of women because it is women, stupid scum, that bring us forth into this world, and allow us to flounder like apes that think we have all the power in our muscles, but disregard the women that actually allowed them the power of _being_. And my eyes are ringing constantly. Unfortunately, I am but one man – I can't save them all. Probably within a 10-20 mile distance, I suspect."

Law inhaled and exhaled, struggling to contain his first reaction to hearing this nonsense. He ended up with tattooed fingers to his lips, then fluttered his hand. "…How the fuck do you take yourself so seriously?"

" _You_ called _me_. And on that note, _why_ are you calling me? There is beef - !" The snail looked alarmed, then lowered its voice. "We have words to exchange regarding some issues that were left behind as a result of Wano – "

"I am looking for a psychic," Law proposed, wrapping the coiled wire around one finger. "I have some lingering…issues."

"Don't we all? And now that I have you on the line," the snail looked away, eye casting from side to side before looking at him, "I have an invoice regarding the shirt I'd lent you…that shirt was full of memories, and I need those memories back. As the beautiful Miss Nami says, _with interest_ …"

"These memories contain sperm?"

" _MEMORIES_ , you - !"

"Beef sounds good," Law then murmured thoughtfully, furrowing his brow. He said the next word on a long, deep exhale. "Beeeeeffff - "

"Sanji? Where's the beef…?" Luffy's sleep heavy voice asked in the background, Sanji releasing a startled hiss.

"Gah! Shh, shh, it's okay, you're sleepwalking…go back to sleep – lower your damn voice!" the snail snarled at him wildly, Law watching its animated movements with grim disdain.

"The point of this call was that I needed a psychic," Law continued, reaching up to fiddle with his earrings. "And since you were hiding the fact that you were Germa scum all these years, tricking me, a loyal Sora fan, surely you've been hiding your psychic powers from me as well – "

"There was no trickery, and I don't claim those guys!" Sanji snarled at him furiously, but his voice was lowered to a whisper. "Stop referring to that, that's a bad memory!"

"I need my slate wiped clean."

" _I don't have psychic abilities_ \- !"

"But yet, Blackleg-ya, you can hear women's tears from 10-20 miles away…"

"That's _women_ , not men! An easier way to wipe the slate would be to remove your own brain."

"Been there, done that, took me awhile to reboot."

"Again, Law, why are you calling me? It's fuck-all morning, and not that I've noticed," Sanji added, his voice lifting as he seemed to gain freedom from Luffy, "but your eyes have a weird manic look to them. You not telling us something again?"

Law reached up to rub his eyes, frowning at the color that came away on his fingertips. He wiped them on his jeans. "Did Luffy ever tell you people why I had such a hard-on for Doflamingo?"

"NO. What's this? A confession? Who told you I was a priest?"

Law furrowed his brow. Luffy was so loose-lipped – why wouldn't he say anything of Law's confession as a way to excuse Law's insistence upon Doflamingo at Dressrossa? Didn't this crew talk to each other? He exhaled, and Bepo sighed, shifting as he scratched at his gurgling tummy. Shachi was snoring noisily, Penguin in t-pose on the floor, Izzy's foot in the face of Uni – everyone in their comfortable yukatas and sleepwear had no problem revealing anything and everything. They were all medical professionals – none of them were capable of feeling ashamed of body parts or smells.

He looked down at his jean covered legs, missing the robes he'd worn on Wano. Such freedoms…but then again, revealing just too much. The conundrum made his head hurt to think about it.

"Law."

Sanji was the only Strawhat to call Law by his first name consistently. It sent tingles down his skin whenever he heard it. The others addressed him as "Tra-guy", or "Traffy", disrespecting him and disrespecting who he was as a person. But Sanji always looked him in the face and called him by his name. For a man hater, Sanji sure had a weird set of ideals when it came to certain men.

"Roronoa-ya once told me you rearranged a man's face with your feet," Law said slowly. "Could you do that to brains?"

"Why are you so dumb to believe anything that drunken ass muscle has to say?" The snail looked at him suspiciously. "Where are you guys?"

"I, uh…" Law trailed off, casting an anxious look at the others sleeping around him. He lifted his foot to rest carefully over the back of one crew member, who continued to snore without pause. He wasn't sure what to say, or how to ask it. Vocalizing this restlessness that created static in his head was difficult to do when his heart argued against it.

Sanji sighed heavily, wearing an expression of irritation. "Look, depending on the direction, I can be there within the next two days. After that, it's up to you. I'm still mad at you, by the way."

"Two days. Use your psychic abilities to find me," Law verified with a nod. He then hung up without saying anything more, cutting off Sanji's protest.

:

The island was glittery with lights and activity, and this sheltered space within a cliff side trail coming down the sharp edged mountains within the center of the island was a good place for a conversation. Sanji found him there, wearing a wary expression and a heavy backpack. The night was cold enough for a jacket and jeans, Law's booted feet kicking at pebbles that crumbled soundlessly towards a ground too far away to hear their chatter upon impact.

"I'm still mad," Sanji assured him, looking away haughtily. "And you said nothing of your location, but Miss Nami and Robin were the ones who were able to track you down. Thank them when you can."

"You're not a real man if you weren't mad," Law assured him back. He didn't answer the last comment, rubbing at his own throat with one agitated hand, while the other stayed flattened over Kikoku.

"You're all…sweaty," Sanji observed, looking at Law's bare, tattooed chest and noticing the glistening skin. "What've you been doing up here by yourself - ? Never mind. I don't want to know."

"I'm testing my psychic abilities. Surely, I have them, too," Law said, his face too serious to reflect a joke. Sanji gave him a confused look, removing his backpack and setting that aside.

"Why are you suddenly obsessed with telepathy, you nerd?"

"We both fled our homes from the North Blue," Law said, looking at his tattooed hands, fiddling with each finger as Sanji sat next to him. He dangled his legs over the same edge as Law – both of them wearing near similar dark blue jeans, but Sanji offset his with a yellow sweater with a ridiculous turtleneck and a black puffy vest. For the terrain, the fool was wearing sneakers – their brand was bright within the half-moon light that gave them just enough to see each other. "For different reasons, obviously."

Sanji grunted, cigarette tucked to the corner of his lips as he wiped his hands of dirt.

"Most likely as children, yes?"

"What's the point of this conversation?"

Law's fingers turned to his own eyelashes, clasping and plucking without removing the hairs from the lid. The absent gesture caused Sanji to look at him with suspicion, noticing the constant activity strumming from the older man.

"I ran into someone in town the other day. Someone that…didn't exactly cause me trauma at the time, it was something I was seeking to fill the void. Couldn't remember a thing. But at my age, and the age I was back then…it was something any normal person could consider violent and unspeakable."

Sanji grunted again, looking out over the city lights. Law's jacket rustled as he sat forward with his hands tucked between his knees, ankles crossed as he slouched. His jaw tensed and loosened before his teeth grit ever so slightly.

"I still don't remember anything. But…I removed him so that his memory wouldn't be jostled as well, should he recognize me. The thing is, Blackleg-ya, I…" Law scrunched his face off, then sniffed himself. "Is that me or you?"

Sanji glanced at him warily, cigarette between his fingers as he gave Law a skeptical look. "Definitely you."

"Back to this psychic business. I think I need a direct jolt to the brain. To remember these things. This is where your feet and your mind come in…"

"…Again, I am _not_ of any psychic abilities!"

"I think remembering these things would allow me to put to rest the turmoil that consistently makes me restless."

"I could stab you?" Sanji suggested with a shrug. "Direct knife to the brain."

"A psychic stab?"

" _I. Am. Not. Psychic_."

"Disappointing. The thing is, Blackleg-ya," Law then said, blinking heavy eyes towards the light of the island, "perhaps you know exactly what I'm talking about. Lost children on their own find company they didn't want, or that they thought they needed at the time. So, my question to you, as a fellow North Blue refugee, I'm open to suggestions – what did you do to settle the actions allotted to you by the hands of others?"

Sanji glanced at him from the corner of his eye, his expression revealing nothing while he considered Law's words. He then drew his cigarette over the ground, coloring the small area with ashes. Then flicked the cigarette out into the open air in front of them.

"I was lucky," he said low. "I found someone who was strong enough to step in and allowed me to understand boundaries."

"It's not that I'm a man whose fears were created by bad memories," Law said assuredly, "but I should feel _something_ , right? Anger, trauma…? I felt enough shame to continue hiding it, but I…I don't feel anything towards my self. Are you the right person to talk to about these things?"

Sanji looked at him from the corner of his eye once more, thinning his lips. "Intimacy is a treasure between two understanding people."

"Therefore, I need a psychic to rip my brain apart and either force me to face those memories, or just…eliminate them all to the void altogether. I do believe I've tied up all my loose ends, and lived a life that was supposed to fall short on Dressrosa, but…here I am. This is where you come in. I do believe that you are better equipped with that sort of indiscretion."

"If you are willful in ignorance with these memories," Sanji said slowly, "then why bother with addressing the matter at all?"

"I don't feel anything, Blackleg-ya. Only misplaced anger and exact concentration on distracting matters that force me to avoid my own memories and thoughts. I think bringing them to the forefront should do something to resolve that matter, to become…a better person."

"Why even question that now, after all this time?"

"Seeing that man's face," Law said firmly. "…Being alive."

"You're so resentful that you're still alive. You're a shitty idiot for not being grateful for that. _Why_ , Law?"

Sanji watched him for a few moments, waiting for an answer. Law's brow was furrowed with concentration, clearly questioning himself. Sanji then gave an eye roll and looked up at the sky. "If that man is gone, done in by your own hands, then why even continue to allow him that power over you?"

"Hmm…good question. Something I can't find an answer to," Law admitted, looking over the glittery lights before them. "To search for answers, earlier today, I found a man that jumped at the chance to fuck me like _he_ did, and to preserve my reputation, I killed him after."

Sanji rolled his eyes once more. Law watched him from his corner of his eye, looking and waiting for a reaction. When he saw a stiff expression that gave him nothing, he tightened his jaw.

"Okay, you shitty serial killer…how am I supposed to deal with that knowledge?" Sanji asked, an edge of exasperation in his tone.

"That's why you're here. I'm telling you directly to your face. No secrets between us, since you Strawhats are nefarious for..." Law trailed off with a disgusted expression while Sanji looked at him with investigation.

The blonde then wrinkled his nose. "This is why you're so…disheveled?"

"Literally, minutes before you arrived on that ledge, there."

Sanji's fingers tightened on his own jeans before releasing. His eyebrows lifted and fell with weight before he could ease himself into maintaining his expression. "…Productive…why?"

"Because it was how I'd resolved the matter years ago. Found something to fill the void, then eliminated it out of shame. When, as a matter of fact, I actively pursued it. Couldn't you understand that aspect of it?"

"I know a thing or two about holes," Sanji mumbled, digging into his vest pockets for his cigarettes and lighter.

"I don't understand why you aren't speaking to your crew about this," he then said, not yet lighting his cigarette. He instead laid that hand on his thigh, cigarette flickering with his words as he spoke. "You should be close enough to talk to them about these things."

Law thought of the shame and bitterness he felt telling his crew these things he'd always kept to himself. "Do you speak of these types of things with them?"

"No," Sanji admitted, looking off into another direction while Law scowled at him. "But that was sound advice, wasn't it? You don't need a psychic knife for this. You need to actively sit down and think about it. I mean, something that traumatic must be still soiling your blood to continue doing it. At this point, it's not satisfaction – it's mindless killing. That's something you should separate yourself from."

"At this point, Blackleg-ya," Law said slowly, clutching the edge of the cliff with both hands and looking down at the dark void below, "I was a kid, back then. Making these decisions. As an adult, I still carry shreds of emotional and mental damage that have created this person before you. I find it easier to fall down that rabbit hole rather than clawing my way out of it."

Sanji inhaled and exhaled his cigarette, pulling it away from his lips as he watched the smoke carry and dissipate within the cold night air. The quiet between them was comfortable.

"I hear what you're doing," he said slowly. He studied the stars for a few moments before giving Law an exasperated look. "You're doing your best to break up with me again."

Law clicked his tongue against his teeth.

"This is the _third_ time," Sanji murmured, examining his cigarette. "So, at this point, this is you being insecure and stupid, again. Throwing everything you can at me to scare me away, because you've reached some conclusion that scares you. And what brought on this speech, this time?"

After a few moments, Law muttered, "I don't know why you'd continue wanting me. You're clearly insane."

"The first time you tried," Sanji continued, counting off his fingers, thumb first, "you gave this speech because we were headed into Dressrosa. Something about ' _that was all a fucking fling, and I'm just using you, fuck off, I hate you, the worst sex I've ever had_ '…"

"It was," Law murmured with a heavy frown. "To be fair…"

Sanji cut him off and lowered another finger, "The _second_ time was because I was forced into a marriage so your feelings were hurt – forgetting in the first place that it was _you_ who broke it off the first time, so it cancels out the second, considering I refused to break up in the first place – "

"She was _sixteen_! Fucking monster…any vadge will suit your shitty tastes! Any man with a sound mind would break up with someone like you! I was replaced by a sixteen year old, of course I was hurt and insulted - !"

"And yet, here I am, _without_ a wife and living the rest of my life with the other fools," Sanji pointed out. "And then here _you_ are, breaking it off with me once again and throwing around the fact that you have sex issues and have decided to play the cheating card to – "

"Thoroughly foul, violent sex, where I was gasping his name and not yours – my bruises and ego have already healed. My asshole is slowly easing back together – "

" _Again_ ," Sanji said with a roll of his eyes, an exasperated look to his face as he rested forearm over lifted knees; ankles crossed at the ledge, "scare tactics. Manipulations of a manipulator. I've already deduced that you're glistening with sweat because you have the lungs of a man with no stamina, walking up this damn hill – you smell like beer and grilled meat, mixed with a stimulator, which explains why you're wide awake; your stupid eyeliner is freshly applied, lined over the remnants of the day previous _because_ you've been awake and stimulated since, hm, three days before. That sub is a terrible place for a lab, you know. I can smell that shit coming off your sweat."

Law glared at him, then clicked his tongue again.

"I'm young, but not stupid," Sanji muttered, smoking again. He reached out and punched Law, jostling the man as he caught himself hastily from losing his position on the ledge.

" _You almost killed me_!" Law snarled at him, heart thumping noisily as he looked down at the void.

"Stop trying to break up with me," Sanji snarled back at him. He threw his cigarette at him, the ember bouncing off Law's jacket. "You insecure shit! I don't care who you fuck when I'm not around - ! I understand those parts! We're _men_. What matters is if we're still alive at the next stop for you to at least appreciate who is there when it matters. You called me. I answered. I'm right here."

"You're an abusive man. I'm trying to escape you, and you won't let me go."

"Because you're a stupid man who gets scared at any hint of affection. I have to be persistent and yet careful not to show it because you freak out like it's a scary thing," Sanji muttered bitterly.

"I don't know why you're so fucking stubborn - !"

"I understand you're a slow man, and yet I won't get tired of being persistent. If anything, _you're_ the abusive fuck," Sanji mumbled, narrowing his eyes. "Constantly rejecting my continued affection like it were some disease…I'm starting to feel like you never liked me in the first place."

Law glared off into the distance, tattooed fingers curled over the ridge. But he crossed his ankles as well, boots kicking against the sheer rock wall. Something fluttered overhead, revealing itself as a bat as it searched for something to eat.

"Yes, I am angry at you over other matters," Sanji said carefully, looking at his own fingers as he propped elbows on knees, "but _this_ matter and that are different. Our crews come first, and us…? If one of us should call out, then shouldn't we respond?"

Law reflected on this bitterly, narrowing his eyes. "You don't call out for me."

"But I know I can rely on you if…if I need you," Sanji concluded. "I like it that you felt the same way."

"I _am_ coming to you," Law said with insistence, "to warn you what sort of person I am and what I am made up of, trying to…protect you – "

"Backgrounds matter to what sort of person you are, but these things that made you are things I can accept. They're you. Every part of you is something I treasure. 'Sides," Sanji added, patting his pockets until he found what he was looking for, "after everything you've done, have I once rejected you?"

"Yes. Three times. You rejected my pleas to break up."

"Add to that that you're a man, and not a woman, so shouldn't that say things about _my_ end?" Sanji looked at him. "You're a person that feels like you deserve nothing. I know that feeling well. Because I know it, I'm here for you. Stop pushing me away, you fucking worm…"

"I'm telling you these things because they are disgusting things. Also, if I should forget the things that fill in the holes after, I may forget you as well. Do you want that on your head?"

Sanji gave him a confident smile. "You won't forget me. That's a useless threat."

" _Easily_. I can forget you easily. The bad overwhelms the good, Blackleg-ya," Law said gravely, "because those other things matter most to me. They're consuming, they drive my aspirations and thoughts. This? _This_ is just childish distraction, stress relief when no other can afford me any pity."

"Or are they things that are more comfortable for you?" Sanji lit another cigarette. "Because you're comfortable stewing in your own shit, that the thought of climbing out of it for a breath of fresh air is both overwhelming and intimidating for you."

"You're not a breath of fresh air," Law mumbled, waving a hand in front of his face to dispel the smoke wavering his way.

"Quit being childish. But then again," Sanji said, grinning at him, "you can be pretty childish in my company."

" _Wrong_."

"I'm attracted to you," Sanji then said firmly, "because I like your stupid mind. Because when you sometimes say clever things or do something smart, I find myself terribly impressed. The physical stuff? Yeah, that's great an' all, but when I see you do something…soft…I feel my heart strings strum a bit. All of that kinda gets vague when you pull dumb shit like this, though, I admit."

" _Threatened_. I'm threatened to do 'soft' things, and I have reservations regarding the use of your crew to get closer to the One Piece, so perhaps taking care of an investment is important."

Sanji looked at him for a couple of moments, then leaned in to kiss him. Law automatically yanked his head away to avoid the contact, then found himself awkwardly regretting his own action. After a moment, he turned to make up for it but Sanji pushed himself to his feet, brushing himself off.

It was hard not to beat himself up for that one ruined moment, so Law's voice was bitter and angry when he asked, "Where are you going? You're abandoning me."

"And you're trying hard to start a weird fight."

"Like I want you even touching me when I'm like this - ! Don't you understand? You hurt yourself and then somehow make me feel guilty for it! This is why I don't want -!"

"I'll be in town, since you're so determined to be alone. Follow the noise if you'd like to continue the conversation," Sanji said with a wave in his direction.

Law stared after him incredulously, then hastily rose to his feet, Kikoku clenched within one hand. "I'm not done breaking up! You leave me, I swear, I will fill your sinuses with piss!"

Sanji laughed bitterly. "It's up to you to think this over, Law. I can't psychically wipe anything from your brain, but it's up to you to figure out _how_ you wanna fix it. I can't waste my time sitting here, listening to you make up every excuse to have me thinking you're a disgusting human being. It does nothing. I adore you, but you're committed to certain behaviors because they were things you could rely on throughout your past. You actively accomplished your goals, Law. Now it's time to fix the formula for something…healthier. And I can't do that for you. I can only support you."

"All I need is _one_ psychic stab."

" _I'm not a shitty psychic_ \- !" Sanji paused in mid-step, then turned to look at him with his brow furrowed. "When you're ready to give in, you know how to reach me. And if you don't within an acceptable amount of time by my standards, I'll come find you. You know how dramatic I can be. You're going to have a hard time shutting me up when I feel it's time to blab about what we have."

"You wouldn't," Law said with some confusion. "Not with your reputation."

Sanji puffed away at his cigarette, then grinned again. "My crew is my family. And shouldn't they know everything? I'm tired of hiding secrets from them. They always find out eventually."

The thought of the Strawhats finding out their affair had Law's face shifting with a heavier scowl. Sanji waved a hand as he turned and continued down the mountain trail, saying nothing more. After a few moments, Law shouted to be heard, "I will boil your teeth and ground them up for broth! I will do everything I possibly can to forget you! Just like _him_!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…"

Frowning heavily, Law clicked his tongue again and stared out at the blinking lights of the island city.

:

A month later, Law struggled to catch his breath. Everything felt so off-kilter and sore, his breathing raspy. His mind refused to catch up to the feelings that made his lungs tight and his chest ache. He rolled onto his back, hands to his sweaty face. Smearing skin oil, eyeliner and sweat with his trembling fingers. The violent images that swept through his thoughts were bright and powerful, and the sounds were all too real and the smells were too thick.

The room was dark, the furniture grimy and bandaged, the blinds crooked and missing some slats. But the light outside suggested early evening warmth, and music pounded the walls above their heads. The smells of the room were too damn strong – his body ached. He'd demanded to be fucked inside out; the man he'd invited back to this small, cramped room with moldy corners and depilated furniture had been more than welcoming to take Law up on his requests. As a result, Law felt like his insides had been rearranged, and his outside mangled by grabby, violent hands. It was his request; it was what he'd begged for; the more pain, the better he could feel.

But now, he hated every part of himself; hated the way his flesh rippled from a sharp slap to the center of his back tattoo, the way his muscles twitched and his sweaty hair clung to his skull. His eyes stung with sweat and supposedly waterproof liner, causing him to blink repeatedly. One eye seemed uncooperative – barely focused and blurry. His facial bones, his legs, his throat ached so much that he wanted to vomit.

 _Okay_ , he thought wearily. _I'm done. This was it. This was the feeling I'd forgot_. Now _I remember why I never wanted to remember it._

 _It solves and fits nothing in my life right now_ , he realized, arms spread out from his sides as the bed squeaked noisily with the other man's movement. The mattress felt grossly wet and thick against Law's back, lacking support. "Maybe back then, it would have fit the picture," he said aloud, answering himself as he blinked repeatedly.

The other man was busy wiping his crouch with some material that looked suspiciously like Law's abandoned shirt. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not talking to you. This is an A and B conversation. C yourself out that door."

"You know how much money you're worth? I ain't going anywhere."

 _My crew will think I'm still out on the mission_ , Law thought with confidence. _This will be nothing but a guilty secret I'll indulge in later on when I'm_ –

His vision exploded and his thoughts scattered in broken letters over the wood floor as something hot and heavy slammed into the left side of Law's face. But the it was a scarily vivid image, for all that remained was a mind-numbing ring in place of thought and pain that caused every part of his veins to warm and blur his vision.

 _Hey, I didn't pay for that_ , Law thought, but his own inner voice was all upside-down letters and too many spaces. He wasn't even sure which direction he was facing, but the moment his blurred vision allowed him to understand the shapes in front of him, he saw that he was facing the floor. He was only slightly impressed by the strength administered in that one fist.

 _Hawkins could hit harder than that,_ he scoffed, his inner dialogue as twisted as the words tried to escape his mouth.

"I like this. You really want it like this. I mean, it makes sense. After all that you been through. Pain means nothing to you."

"I don't remember you paying for this," Law mumbled, watching blood spill to the floor as he tested metal and salty snot. He opened his mouth wide, watching his own fluids spill like a faucet.

"There wasn't any payment. This was mutual."

 _I must've been so full of self-hatred and absolute fury to want this_ , Law thought incredulously, arm dangling alongside his head. His fingers were twitching violently, muscles strumming with an adrenaline dump. Now that he was aware of his, his asshole was spewing fluids with every one of his body movements. It made his skin flicker with revulsion. _Now, years later…I'm tired_ … _tired of feeling hate and anger_. _I'm not that kid anymore._

"Give me a few minutes," he managed to mumble, wondering where all that blood was coming from. It just continued to drop to the floor, as if someone were pouring it from somewhere near his mouth. "Soon's I get my mind in order, I'm going to see better with your spinal nerves."

The door came down – along with half of the wall. Law realized people were screaming from the floor above, and the music had stopped. He couldn't quite move – a heavy weight had built and settled in his chest, and blood kept staining his teeth. When he moved his tongue, it felt like someone else's muscle. His body felt like jelly and fire at the same time.

"I told you I would come get you," he heard Sanji say, his voice dangerously calm as the cook took in the scene."It's been over a month. I am an impatient man, Law. I want to know your feelings."

Law managed to flip him off with one arm that felt like a wet noodle as the stranger recognized Sanji immediately, fixing his pants and reaching for a weapon nearby. Law could only see his movements from his peripheral vision; at this moment, he couldn't even remember seeing the man with a weapon, but the metal scraped against wood like it were a mallet of some kind.

"You're worth four hundred million - !" the stranger exclaimed greedily, grinning as Sanji looked at him with a dark frown. "Combined, I could buy my way into - !"

Law was quite aware of the sounds around him, watching as the building trembled overhead as it protested a broken foundation. People screamed shrilly, in panic – fleeing the floors above. Their heavy footfalls caused the ceiling above to shudder dangerously. Falling dust motes caused him irritation as his eyes watered and he blinked with frustration, lifting one hand to wipe fruitlessly at his face. Judging by the bright light that now flared through a new hole in the wall, the cook had kicked the man halfway across the world. Law could hear the cook's shoes pound against the floor as he instead followed his victim out of the room.

In the still silence left behind, Law winced. Guilt, regret and shame filled him up in a way that left him wanting to vomit. He spat onto the floor, struggling to understand the nauseating whirl of images in front of him. But despite all the lingering pain in his body, he could feel the constant and rapid healing his Devil Fruit produced as it mended all that was wrong with him physically.

 _This is why I needed a psychic,_ he thought sourly. _I can mend myself physically, but this mental and emotional crap…?_

He then turned his head to watch Sanji approach, removing cigarette from mouth – flicking it aside with a snap of his fingers. Determined to feel smug satisfaction, Law struggled mightily to ignore the shame and mortification he felt as the blonde looked him over with disgust. He refused to feel those things right now – to take responsibility for what he'd been doing to soothe a festering wound.

"Feel free to admire me in all my glory," Law said haughtily, struggling to sit up. His brain refused to function. Everything was jumbled words and double images as he searched for his clothes.

Sanji tutted, ignoring the rumbling sounds that vibrated the air around them. Wood began to collapse, and his hands slid into his pockets as he gave Law a look of pity. "Didn't I tell you I refuse your offers to break up?"

"Enough chit-chat. I'm missing a boot," Law mumbled awkwardly, patting the stained bed for something to belonged to him.

"I may have accidentally developed a new psychic ability to track you down myself," Sanji admitted, using one finger to scratch at his own curled eyebrow. "It's new. I'm still getting used to it."

Law scowled at him, but half of his face felt too awkward and heavy to move without his own hands. So he wasn't sure what sort of expression he was wearing when he turned his eyes down to his feet. One of them was crooked and fat – he was pretty sure he had normal looking feet when he'd entered this room hours again. His nerves were still rattling with the stimulant to allow him to feel any sort of pain.

"Hey, easy bake oven. Help me find my left sock. I can't seem to see it."

Sanji sighed, rolling his head from side to side. The sharp pops were quiet against the rumbling sounds of disaster around them. Wood and plaster, as well as what looked like a bedframe, crashed through the roof to their left, showering the air with colored debris and dust. He removed his jacket, tossing it to Law as he then began searching the floor. He gave up when something shrilled with a heavy cracking sound; he snatched up the stained duvet from the blood-stained floor, wrapped the man inside of it like a complaining burrito, and was out from the crumbling building in mere seconds. The sounds of collapse tickled Law's damaged eardrums, and he winced, wind knocked out of him from being forcefully tossed over one muscular shoulder. Instead of joining the onlookers gathered safely on the streets, Sanji took to the air.

Law couldn't see a damn thing, and he felt too weak to rip his arms from blanket and the arm that held him in place. But Sanji took him far from that place that rattled noisily with destruction, and he only knew when they were back on ground when he heard Sanji's shoes scuff against surface and his weight settled differently.

"I'm going to die in here, moron," he said grumpily, his voice thin from being winded. His ribs felt dangerously brittle – something pierced his side like an icy knife, and he hissed, feeling blood stain the material of the blanket. It clung to his dirty skin, and he spit and jerked his head around to dislodge it. "Is that your intention? Crime of passion?"

He grunted as Sanji tossed him, and his entire body protested so much that Law clenched his teeth around a squeal. All his muscles seemed to scream, his bones rattled, his inner organs trying to retreat from every aspect of danger as his nerves shredded with revitalization. He sucked in air with a throat that felt like a vise had attached to it. His eyes seemed to burn, rippling with intense heat and dust that had collected at the corners. His eyelashes touched cheeks that felt sensitive and raw. His tongue felt like waste caught between his teeth – he could taste where his teeth had cut into it. The wound felt like a betrayal.

When Sanji pulled the blanket from his head, it took Law a few moments to allow his vision to adjust. They were in a room that sparkled with white surfaces, gleaming floors, sparkling metals and an indecent amount of disinfectants. Sanji shut the heavy door with a quiet gesture, locking it in place.

Law thought of the last time he was in a hospital; it always made his stomach flutter with anxiety and ugly helplessness. His own operating room on the Polar Tang was designed in such a way to avoid any likeness to a hospital; a secret disdain that not even his crew was aware of. They'd only thought he was being 'eccentric' when he insisted on certain differences.

His mind, despite the physical damage, seemed to clear ever so slightly. Sobered. He pulled the blanket up around him and could feel his entire being well up with hateful disgust over himself. For a moment, panic welled up within him. Caused everything to clench and tighten with such strength that he almost choked on it. The sensation caused the pain numbed feelings to assault him with such fresh violence that his veins seemed to pulse and bulge.

"I don't want to be here," he snarled in a raspy voice, skin breaking out into a cold sweat. " I don't need a shitty hospital!"

Sanji watched his reaction with a slight tilt of his head; but his expression told Law nothing of what he was thinking or feeling. Despite the drying blood and cum on his body, it was almost convincing the former warlord that he wasn't coated in those fluids at all. That this was all just his imagination – or the drugs – fucking with him.

"You're a doctor," Sanji said smoothly. "Isn't this your environment?"

"I'm not keen on being discovered in this state!" Words were difficult to release – Law felt choked up from his chest up. His stomach, his guts – rumbled and soured with such force that he ended up wincing with a clench. But even as his skin glistened with sweat from the effort of holding in his panic, he would not give the reason for his reaction. His hand flapped out, but the familiar blue film of his power fizzled and shorted out.

He was gassed out. His strength had left him hours ago. He dropped his hand, muscles twitching and stiffening at the same time. Cramps locked his legs and his guts, and he cursed noisily at a ceiling with long, rectangular lights.

Struggling to maintain a semblance of control and poise, Law focused on the rhythm of his own breath. Straightening out his breathing and forcing his rapidly beating heart to at least slow from its building fire.

"You're lucky I'm holding back an unbelievable amount of gut rot," he muttered bitterly. "Shit and cum. It's the only thing preventing me from going apeshit on you for disobeying a direct order."

Sanji pulled out a fresh cigarette but left it unlit. "I'll be your nurse," he said lightly. "But I won't wear the outfit."

Law looked at him with a sneer. His left eye was swollen, the lid fat and discolored, pulsing with weight and pain. His lips felt swollen and ripped, the corners of his mouth crusty and stinging with fire.

"This must make you feel special," he snarled, his voice brittle and raw. "The dream you always wanted. Knight in – what is that? Fucking _velvet_?"

Sanji looked down at his black shirt, white vest with roses and green stems – his black trousers were kept in place by a gold belt. His jacket had been black, but he said goodbye to that particular item. His shoes were patent white, gleaming underneath the unforgiving lights above them.

Law searched his face for something that would give him strength; if Sanji could show him revulsion, could show him any sign that he didn't want Law, Law would feel better. But all he saw was a blank expression that gave him nothing. It filled him with frustration and immense anger, fingers balling into fists.

 _These men_ , he thought, trailing off from completing that thought.

"No, you dumb shit," Sanji then replied with exasperation. "It's satin. And the roses were a hit with the ladies."

"Well…it's ugly. And _you're_ ugly. A desperate moron isn't attractive."

"What do you need me to do first?" Sanji asked calmly. "Or should I just call your buds in here because they're out there, looking for you?"

Law froze, positive that he'd given them enough deceptive leads to have them away from this particular island. Sanji frowned impatiently at him, unbuttoning his cuffs and rolling his sleeves up his forearms.

"I told you. I developed these weird psychic powers. I let them know you might need them, and we ended up here. Oh, and Luffy said to tell you that if he found you first, he's got this story about Dragon he needs to tell you before you decide to raid their offices for – "

"Painkiller, not painbuilder," Law snapped at him, clearing his throat and finding that his voice hadn't changed with the action. "Lots of them. My kidneys hurt."

"Shower first?"

Law glanced at the nearby bathroom, which boosted the item with a clear view of its tiled walls and porcelain floor. He could feel himself leaking. He could smell combined and overlapping stenches that made him upset that his olfactory senses were coming back.

"Yeah, but…you didn't grab my clothes."

"You're a patient. You're gonna look like one. Until you do whatever it is you do to heal yourself. I can help – "

" _Fuck off_. Before I rearrange all your pieces in alphabetical order then revert to cannibalism."

"Sounds like you just need to…let it go."

" _You_ need to let me go!"

"The one thing I can't do in this situation, Law. Go. Take a shit. Take a shower. You'll feel human after. Want me to wash your - ?"

"I want you to fucking _die_!"

"Another thing I can't do. Alright. I'll be waiting right here. Leave that damn door open, or I'll kick it down."

Sanji turned his back to him and meandered to the window to look out. Law scowled at him crossly for a few moments, then sluggishly climbed off the hospital bed. The floor splattered with fluids that dribbled like hot piss against his skin. His thighs trembled, his calves cramped viciously; that one foot refused to straighten out, but Law grit his teeth and applied deliberate weight on it.

Nearly a half hour later, Law hobbled back to the bed, toweling his hair. Most of him felt a little less sore, but the bruises were slowly fading to yellow, and most of his bones were reattaching. The bite marks were vague on his flesh, and his tongue was definitely his own again. In the space of time between then and now, his mind felt more clear. Sanji had some clothes in his arms, and he tossed them in Law's direction.

Naked, Law ignored the clothes and faced the younger man, who maintained eye contact with him. Law realized he didn't like that unreadable expression; not when Sanji was capable of many emotions that he released often in a span of seconds. Law didn't like it because suddenly he cared to know what Sanji was thinking at that moment, and it was something that unsettled him more than what he'd left behind earlier.

"You're not going to say anything?" Law asked, rubbing at one neck muscle that felt like rubber under his grasp. "Won't beg me to stay, or change my habits? If you want my forgiveness, then beg for it. Cry."

"I ain't gonna do any of those things, idiot," Sanji told him, crooking an eyebrow. "I'm looking at you and wondering what hurts the most. Your head or your heart."

"Oh, fuck all that bullshit, Sanji!"

"I'm thinking it's your heart," the younger man said. "Because anyone that hated himself that much wouldn't face the one that loved them with such defiance. You're only hurting yourself, Law. And I love you enough to know better."

"This isn't love, dumbass! Don't ever use that word – you don't even know what it means, or what it does!"

"I know exactly what it means, shit for brains. Get dressed. This room won't stay unoccupied for long, not with the mess I made downtown. Not only that, both of our crews will be callin', and we'd need to move quick."

Law didn't move, looking with frustration to the floor. His foot, reset but fat and swollen, seemed to itch with bugs that crawled rapidly underneath the skin. But as it continued to heal, Law's thoughts swirled with renewed anxiety and panic. Beneath his feet was sterilized surface, and the smells of the hospital reminded him of those times Corazon did his best to find a doctor that would take a moment for him.

Here was another man trying to help and love him despite his stubborn rejections, and he just didn't understand _why_.

"At this point," he said low, "I don't care anymore."

"I don't understand."

"My self destruction is for my own musings, only. I'm only inviting you to the chat because it's unbearably uncomfortable with me literally naked and you staring at me like I'm a piece of meat."

"I've watched you change, Law. All this time together, you went from this closed up edgy piece of shit to trolling my crew like they were five years old and you were the eccentric uncle. Then suddenly, you got too involved with thinking when you felt my touch. Suddenly, you didn't know what to do." Sanji smirked, hands on his hips. "You reverted backwards because the feelings in you were new and intimidating."

"False."

"And you started sliding backward, doing everything you could think of to convince me otherwise. You're scared, and you don't know what to do."

" _False_!"

"Now this," Sanji said with a tut, shaking his head. "You knew I was coming. You put on a show to convince me I meant nothing to you. But it wasn't really me you were putting a show on. It was for you. And I know at the end of it you realized you weren't that person, anymore. No, you were too tired to feel angry."

Law stared at him for a few moments, then looked him over suspiciously. "Does Germa 66 now specialize in incredible mind-reading machinery? You somehow put a chip in my brain that I had yet to detect?"

"I'm not a part of those guys!" Sanji snapped at him.

"I _am_ tired," Law agreed, scratching at the back of his head.

"Put on some clothes!"

"Want to ravish me before we hit the road? I'm good and loose, still."

"I'm not playing into this game of yours, Law," Sanji said quietly. "You're hurt, and you're angry because you're doing it to yourself. All I can do at this point is assure you, continuously, that I'm not walking away."

"You _literally_ did the last time we spoke."

"Even if I had stayed at that point, you'd pull some childish crap. I'm a manipulator, just like you, so I'm onto your tactics. I popped in to see if you're ready, but it's obvious you aren't." Sanji hesitated for a few moments, then said, "Admittedly, this hurts me more than I thought it would."

 _Then why don't you show it?_ Law thought with frustration, and wasn't sure why he needed that particular reaction. He started to feel hot shame start to edge up around his thoughts, and quickly staved that back as the younger man inhaled and exhaled heavily.

He looked at Law, and suddenly Law could see the pain in his eyes as he seemed to come to a conclusion. His curled eyebrows suddenly pulled together as he caught his breath.

"I'm not a psychic," Law muttered. "What are you thinking?"

Sanji's fingers shakily brushed his blond hair behind one ear. "Maybe it's the other way around," Sanji said slowly. "Perhaps…I'm at fault, here."

Law furrowed his brow, absolutely positive that Sanji's only fault was for thinking Law was someone to save.

"The more I pursue you, the more you seem to harm yourself," Sanji said, looking at him with regret. He then brushed past Law to pick up and sort through the clothes he'd tossed. He slapped briefs up against the other man's chest. "Want me to dress you?"

Law snatched the underwear from him, and shuffled into them, irritated that they fit. He wanted to use something to bitch the younger man about. He snatched the pair of jeans Sanji held out and pulled them on, buttoning and glaring while Sanji tore the tags off the plain, hooded sweater that he then held out.

"Your crew is slinking around the shadows, asking furtively if anyone was witness to your appearance on the island," Sanji then said. "So if anyone points out that _he_ was last seen with you, what are they going to assume?"

"That I'm pulling a shady deal."

"I've already assumed that they knew and actively lab with you, considering how frequently you've been taking them. Your skin is absurdly dry – your Devil Fruit continuously fixes you up, so the stuff isn't present when it matters, but judging from the appearance, you've been on the tear for at least three days, yes?"

"From the stains and state of the room," Sanji continued, forcing the sweater over Law's head, and having the man rip away from him to do it himself, "you were only occupied for this morning. So it took you some time to choose a victim."

"He has good work. I'll just find him again."

Sanji smiled sweetly at him. "You won't. I made sure of it."

"You – "

"I stomped in his head and, look, I still got his brain matter sticking to the bottom of my shoe."

It pissed Law off to see this for himself as Sanji's foot lifted and settled right in front of his face; as if the man himself were made of some type of rubber. No man should be able to lift his leg like that, and Law refused to be impressed. But it pissed him off that Sanji should remove the evidence before Law had the chance to do it himself. It crossed a line, made his chest tighten with agitation. He slapped that white patent shoe from his face with an enraged snarl.

"You have no right to invade my privacy!" he hissed at him. "To involve yourself in what I'm doing – shit like that doesn't matter to me, nor does it win any approval from me! You're doing this to somehow please me, like an eager dog and it just pisses me off! Where is your dignity?"

"No," Sanji corrected. His hands lifted, as if to touch Law, but Law quickly stepped back because he couldn't bear to be touched gently at this time. He watched Sanji's hands shake a little before fisting and being thrust into pockets. "I did it for myself. Admittedly, _I_ was jealous. I acted off these stupid Vinsmoke instincts, and that's something I'll have to come to terms, with. I…I was upset…"

"You could never walk in my boots, murder child. You're too soft."

"But I could clean yours."

"Stop saying shit like that! Don't you realize how pathetic you sound?"

"I adore you, and that won't change."

" _STOP IT!_ "

"Me saying those things hurts you," Sanji said with a low sigh, turning away from him as Law seethed, his face and neck filling with red color, "because you don't believe in them, and you're too afraid to accept them."

"I don't want them! I don't want you! How clear do I have to be?"

"Seeing you hurt yourself because of my affections..." Sanji trailed off bitterly, heading to the door. The sight of his back, the slope of shoulders that seemed to sag, caused Law inner turmoil. "I hear your crew nearby. You should probably talk to them about these things. The next time you disappear, it might be their last. And you'll hurt them for saying nothing at all, and leaving them wondering is one of the most despicable things you can do."

Law frowned at his back sullenly, then said, "Where are you going?"

"My crew is causing chaos on the east end." After a few moments, Sanji then said without looking at him, "You won't hear from me again. I cannot stand seeing you hurt yourself. And if this is the only way, then…"

"Finally," Law said thinly, but he didn't feel very good in this victory. His voice emerged as a thin whisper without him realizing it. His eyes burned, and he remembered to blink. "Finally, you come to your senses…"

Sanji twisted his head to look at him, and Law hated the feeling of hot pain that stabbed him in the chest at the sight of his expression. "You are definitely one of the reasons why I hate men; causing unnecessary pain to others because you are too much of a coward."

"It's your own fault for falling for me. _Idiot_. The lengths I had to go just to prove my point was unreasonable. You should be begging me for my forgiveness on the matter."

With a tired sigh, Sanji left the room with a quiet click of the door.

Left behind, Law waited for a few seconds, expecting him to come back to continue to exchange angry words. But he was left livid, frustrated and angry that, despite the roiling turmoil he felt turning his chest inside out, he felt relief in those words that hurt him the most. He adjusted the sweater around his body, twisted the hood on properly. His hat was sitting on the chair nearby, along with some socks and boots that gleamed with some fresh shine. He ventured towards those, then wearily pulled them on. Then slapped his battered, dirty hat on over his head. Kikoku was leaning against the window – it seemed angry at him.

But he picked his sword up and held it within both hands, staring down at the scabbard and feeling the reassuring warmth in his hands. The red rope that stood out against the white floor seemed outrageously calmly against the familiar old panic that made his lungs thin against the environment in which he stood in.

 _I'm tired_ , he thought, feeling it pull at his features. He felt it in his heart. He felt it behind his thoughts. _I'm tired of feeling angry_ …

_But if I am capable of loving another person…could I even do it again, knowing that I could lose…?_

The younger man was only a challenge. Law had sensed the weak boundaries the blond had set around himself when it came to men, and Law had pounced for the challenge of it. Just for thrill of the chase and the victory that came when he'd convinced Sanji that the cook could be gay for certain men. But a one night stand had turned into conversations. Into lingering looks. Into yearning. Into comforting kisses and touches. Things that Law had wanted but couldn't bring himself to find. Things that made his heart warm and full, his brain fuzzy with hope.

But he fought himself every inch of the way. Chased away Sanji's touch with violence; silenced the hope with drugs; chased conversation into mocking and sarcasm to hide the happiness. Law lost control of his own body when he was with Sanji; no longer looking for the violence that he once sought, he was amazed at how weak he was when Sanji touched or kissed him. He felt like a feral animal that snapped and snarled until it realized it loved to be touched or scratched behind the ears.

He kept seeing that moment where Sanji's hands shook before hiding them away from Law; when he looked at the older man with pain and regret. Law regretted not allowing that touch when he needed it more than ever. His own flesh seemed to betray him with a cry of frustration.

These feelings were intimidating. They were frightening. He stole away with the other man's clothes as mementos and smoked his brand of cigarettes when he was alone. He yearned and punished himself for it for feeling happy because he felt he didn't deserve them. Because he was afraid of them.

But now…now he was _tired_ …

:

"We're a couple of hours away from our destination, Captain!" Shachi said cheerfully, slamming the door open into Law's room and then pausing short when he realized Law was still in bed. Half of him, at least. Shachi made to shriek before he caught himself with his hands to his mouth, inhaling and breathing in deep; calming his startled nerves before clearing his throat and marching in resolutely. He looked over the abandoned body on the bed, noting the removal of a certain organ and obvious limbs, then wore a disturbed look as his fingers went to his mouth with trepidation.

He marched out and made his way through the narrow corridors of the Polar Tang before finding the only closed door in the medical bay. He slammed that door open with a deep breath; mentally prepared to find what he was looking for, but physically weak in the knees.

Sure enough, Law looked up at him from the operating table, surgical mask hiding the lower half of his face while his hands paused over his own heart. His arms, neck and torso was attached to Bepo's chest, who was standing stoically with a grimace over the table.

"WHY?" Shachi shouted at Law furiously. "WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING CREEPY?"

"Ah, Shachi," Law said, lowering his tools to the table while Bepo exhaled a breath he clearly had been holding for some time. "I need your assistance to remove – "

" _This is harassment!_ "

"I was so afraid!" Bepo cried, leaking fat tears as he held his head back. "I was so afraid to move, to question – I couldn't say anything! I don't know what's happening – help me, Shachi!"

"PENGUIN!" Shachi shouted down the corridor. "Captain's doing weird shit again!"

"CAPTAIN!" Penguin's voice shrilled from somewhere far from them, reaching octaves that trembled with the force.

Gloved hands together, Law sighed noisily, eyes rolling to the lights that Bepo pushed away with one gloved paw. "Shachi. Doesn't it make sense to find the point of infection to remove and cure it?"

"In your own heart?" Shachi asked skeptically, approaching the table. He watched it beat, trembling within its protective case before looking at Law with solid exasperation. "We experimented with this, before, capitán."

"Capitán," Law repeated gravely, rolling the word under his tongue. He scratched idly at his hairline, Shachi's hands fluttering about with agitation.

"What sort of infection are you looking for? Aren't you of perfect health? I mean, other than the obvious, of course…"

"Of course. Well, for months now, I've been suffering from some type of ailment – "

"Caused by your extensive use of your Devil Fruit powers, yes, but we'd concluded it was rapid aging. All of your physicals have tested negative for any other unknown ailments, so whatever it is you're looking for, you're doing something weird again."

"CAPTAIN!" Penguin shrilled again, still a distance away and causing the three of them to wear bewildered expressions.

Law focused on his own beating heart. "I'm aware of what the infection is, Shachi. I just…I need it to go away. Surely, despite obvious science, it's something that even I can do if I just…focus…."

"Whatever it is, you're not going to do it," Shachi said sternly, grabbing the heart and holding it within one hand while Law and Bepo looked at him with alarm. Shachi squeezed it ever so slightly, Law releasing a pained noise as his arms and head spasmed in natural reaction to pain. Bepo fretted before bursting into tears again, reaching across the table to try and snatch it away from the redhead, who held it out of their reach. "Because, and stay with me here, it's not a physical ailment. You've been weird for months, now. Even weirder since that former warlord was assassinated while under Navy hands. We're all aware that you had something with that Doflamingo guy, you never told us everything, but it seemed like you wigged out even harder after that. We gotta know – was it a thing?"

"Definitely not," Law told him, insulted.

Shachi flipped the heart over and over within his hand, Law grimacing as he felt every jarring impact in a body he'd left behind in his room. His hands naturally went to his chest, but as he was attached to Bepo, he slapped helplessly against the Mink's rounded tummy. Bepo grunted.

"Then I bet this," Shachi said, flipping and catching before eying the heart with consideration. Somehow, he dropped it onto the floor, and Law released a noise of agitation and reaction, Bepo crying out with shock as his paws went to his face. Shachi then picked it up, using his foot to kick flip it back up into the air, Law gurgling with agony before Shachi caught it within both hands. He wiped at it, blowing atop of it before patting it roughly. "Oops. Heh. Anyway, as I was saying, you feel something you aren't accustomed to. And you started in on all these late night thoughts, and come up with something totally idiotic out of desperation."

He leaned in, clicking his tongue and giving a wink only visible with the twitch of his face. "You fell in love with Nami the Navigator, right? And you can't sleep because she ain't around! I mean, I would. No lie. I'd pretend to die, too, if I were out of reach of that delicious - !"

"Will you stop doing that? I'll kill you Shachi, I really will!" Law snarled at him, throwing the tools at the redhead as he quickly evaded impact.

"Stop fighting!" Bepo shrieked, paws to his head. " _Stop fighting!_ "

"It's not a physical ailment," Shachi said assuredly, a safe distance from them. "It's something idiotically dramatic. Something absurdly normal. But you always want to show us this façade, Law. Even as kids. You showed up out of the blue obviously out of a bad place, and had to act all grown-up in front of us. Like you been through it all. But you weren't – you lacked people skills. Me and the original ones knew better, we still got the idea years later. You're awkward with people, bud. Making sure you don't lose a single one by keeping yourself all guarded up. Making sure we're locked away from anything scary – we're still shocked that you let us on the island at Wano in the first place!"

Law rolled his eyes. Using Bepo's tummy, he folded one arm under the other to prop his chin up. Shachi regarded him with a cringe.

Shachi then shook Law's heart at him. "So? What's this really about?"

After a few moments of stubborn silence, Law then focused bag heavy eyes on the redhead before the door slammed open, Shachi and Bepo jerking in place at the sound. Law's heartless, headless, armless torso lowered one leg before striding in, Shachi and Bepo shrieking with fear.

Law's right leg kicked Shachi, forcing him to drop his heart onto the table, where Law snatched it up within one confident hand.

"Put me back, Bepo," he ordered, the Mink doing so with some tearful noises leaving him. Shachi rubbed at his thigh, scowling as Law's body was carefully put back together, leaving the man intact while still holding his heart in one hand. Once his body was stabilized, he shoved that back into place as well. He gave Shachi an irritated look, removing his gloves, surgical cap and mask, then ripping off his gown.

"I'm not being dramatic!" he then snapped, Shachi and Bepo watching with unconvinced expressions. "My heart is broken, somehow, and I can find a cure for this! And it's not from anything you can imagine," Law added hastily, once he realized what he said. His hands fluttered about with hot energy. "It's from the constant drain of my abilities – I overworked myself, I ended up putting strains where I can't seem to heal – I'm looking for the source of these strains, surely it's just weakening chamber walls or a weakened artery – it's nothing like any of you would think! It's all in your damn imaginations! This is a serious matter! Stop with the fucking rumors!"

He slammed the door shut behind him.

"I know he's a reasonably intelligent guy," Shachi said low to Bepo, "but it's the people skills that convince me otherwise. Word is amongst the crew is that he was seeing somebody, and it's killing him because they broke up. He hasn't been doing weird shit, lately."

Bepo looked worried, tapping his claws together. He cocked his head, wearing a confused expression. "Why would it kill him, Shachi?"

"Because that little shitstain is afraid of _emotions_ ," Shachi stressed with a sneer, arms crossed. "We have him pegged for love distress."

Bepo began to sweat in earnest, causing Shachi to look at him with alarm.

" _You know something_!"

"I know nothing!" Bepo shrilled with frantic anxiety, leaping to put distance between them.

"TELL US EVERYTHING!"

"BEPO! You answer to that shit, I will remove your intestines and your tongue!" Law shouted from within the sub, causing the Mink distress as Shachi wore a suspicious frown.

The redhead turned to look at the polar bear, who hastily raced from the room. Shachi gave it a moment, then hurriedly gave chase.

"Catch that bear! He's got some secrets!" he shouted, raising some alarm amongst the crew members that were subtly listening to the scene from various places.

"BEPO!" Penguin shrilled, still a distance away. "GIVE UP THOSE SECRETS!"

"I'll drown us all, morons!" Law shouted from his room before slamming his bedroom door shut, locking it.

:

Law stared at the sleeping transponder snail. Spread over his desk and floor were newspapers and clippings. The Strawhats were making such a name and nuisance of themselves that it seemed like the entire world was on fire because of them. The Celestial Dragons were even taking precautions after the events of the Reverie, and the Navy had pulled most of their ships from the action on ground to go all out against the rampaging effects of one Monkey. D Luffy. Dragon was mentioned here and there, but because of the attack on the press, the last known newspaper was currently under Law's hands. And the date told Law that he'd taken weeks to come to this desperate decision, so if nothing had been said of the Strawhats or the Navy's actions, he had no idea if those idiots were still alive or imprisoned while recovery actions were made on the Celestial Dragons' behalf.

He stared at the snail with a mopey expression. His goals were accomplished – all he was doing was lingering in case something else struck his fancy, while he worked himself into a retiring attitude.

 _Of course, it'd be just my luck,_ he thought with a scowl. _To end up losing him regardless because I was so…cruel…_

He furrowed his brow, feeling uncomfortable with the word. But it was what it was. Even now, he felt shame and guilt for his own actions, for refusing Sanji's affections and causing such a scene…a scene or several. _Several_ , he deduced reluctantly, thinking back on those times.

His memory was brilliant; every time he recalled memories of Sanji, each scene was so vivid and clear. Sight, smell, audio – each image evoked a desperate yearning for new memories. Law missed his touch – regretting so much of rejecting it, that his skin was hot, itchy fire and his heart thumping with a painful clench – and he missed the younger man's voice. He missed their quiet conversations, he missed being able to feel the other man breathe against his ear. The pain was unbelievable. It made Law think desperate things that he really had no energy to combat against.

Just call him. Make up an excuse when he answers.

What if he doesn't answer?

What if I call, and inadvertently cause a dramatic scene?

After that last encounter, perhaps he's keen on avoiding me.

It'd make perfect sense if he did. And these memories I have…well…I'll take them as a lesson learned. If I should be able to fall in love again, that time will be different.

What if I don't? What if such an opportunity never arises?

What if my reputation eluded my careful grasp and somehow made its rounds?

Could someone else look at me the same?

He reached out and traced the snail's back with a fingertip before closing his fingers around the hand piece. He released it just as fast. Glumly, he resumed staring at the sleeping creature, the sub's rocking motions lulling him to heavy sleepiness. He wondered what Sanji was doing at that moment – was he wearing Law's clothes during some private time, thinking about him? (Like Law sometimes did? He still had Sanji's clothes tucked away in his closet) Was he replaying their last conversation? Whenever Sanji chose a companion, did the man look like Law, or did he choose someone completely different to forget Law?

Law had just let his eyes close and started to snore when the snail's eyes snapped open, and it vibrated noisily within the still silence of his room. Law opened his eyes and glared at the thing, debating on answering it. It occurred to him that it was emitting a rather odd noise; not the traditional noise that was accustomed of transponder snails. It was more of a clicking noise; like someone tutting in a continuous, low rattle.

After absorbing this observation, he picked up the mouthpiece. It didn't emit the "gerchack" that was expected; it was silent. The snail looked at him with such familiarity that Law almost hung up with haste.

"Hey, stupid," Sanji greeted him tonelessly. "Remember that time you'd asked if I could hear a woman's tears from a 10-20 mile distance?"

"You woke me up for this?" Law responded dully, wiping slobber from his mouth. Though it thrilled him to think he was right in that Sanji was somehow psychic. The fact the man called Law when Law was thinking about him – missing him – confirmed Law's suspicions. _He heard my inner tears_ , Law thought with an eye roll. _He still cares, despite my best efforts._

He made his voice gruff to hide his building relief. "Your fantasies are killing me."

There were noises in the background – yelling, screaming, what sounded like explosions. Men enraged and furious, throwing words that he couldn't understand. Law couldn't really tell what was happening, but he imagined a chaotic scene. There was a strange vibration to the noise that suggestion the signal was very weak; something that made his ears tickle.

"Yeah, well, my power expanded. I, uh…with the way things are going here, I probably won't be able to see ya in person. Not after this. I just…I thought it'd be important to let you know I forgive you. I think it's important to know that I…don't hate you. I don't want you worrying about that."

Law scratched his nose, but he rose from his desk. "Why am I always the one having to find you, Blackleg-ya? This gets tiring."

"No need for that, tough guy! Just…above all, please make sure Luffy finds that treasure. That's all I request of you." The sounds and action quieted for a moment, the line vibrating with something that sounded like static. There were other words, but faded and broken, causing Law to tense.

He then sighed with irritation. "You're unreasonable, you rotten shit on a stick. Fine, I'll have my bear companion track you down so you can tell me this stupid, useless shit to my face. I need a laugh."

"I don't want you to come here! I just wanted to let you know that I forgive you!" Sanji snapped at him angrily. "I know you're still thinking about it - !"

"Enough of your dramatics, I'm too tired to stand for it. Anyway, Bepo can smell blood halfway across the world. Don't tell me any other details. I don't care to know."

"Law! You jerk! Don't come - !"

He hung up while leaving his room, headed for the deck. It was a sunny day outside, and the Pirates of the Heart were soaking up the fresh air and sunshine. Bepo was napping in the center, where a few of his crew were volleying a ball amongst each other.

"Set a course for the Redline, nerds," he said, all of them snapping to attention. Bepo startled himself awake, sniffling as he rubbed his eyes. "Thank God we're in the middle of no where so no one can see how stupid you look attempting to play a type of sport."

"Nice! A new viral outbreak?" Penguin asked cheerfully, catching the ball clumsily then letting it drop.

"Hot babes that need tick inspections?" Shachi cried hopefully.

"None of that nonsense." Law then strode back into the sub, slamming the door shut behind him. The others rolled their eyes at each other, but they made haste to re-enter the sub, excited for the new adventure.

:

The adventure turned into a perilous, seemingly never ending nightmare. He ended up saving whom he could with his interfering actions, nearly losing his head in the process. The scar left behind because of that looked like a necklace, and it seemed to tingle and burn against Law's Devil Fruit healing abilities. By the time the battered Sunny made it out into seas littered with debris, bodies and blood, the wall that separated the peons from the Celestial Dragons had been shattered and their glorious lands were being invaded by the oppressed. The mess was glorious to look over now that the clouds had cleared, and distance was put between them.

His faithful, hard working crew assisted Germa's medical groups with the fallen, and the air was thick with cries of those in pain. Pirates, Navy and alliances that had been formed during the battle were broken into different groups to allow for different missions and convenience. His involvement in the war was loosely the same as it was in Marineford; he waited for a safe opportunity to steal in and safely take what he could when he could and was in charge of the victims loaded onto Sunny.

While insanely curious about Germa's technology, Luffy had made it a point to make sure Sanji wasn't treated by their hands. The kid trusted Law with his crew members while he sat on the lion's head and recovered from the terrible scenes that had occurred. Luffy had lost two crew members and family in that war, and Law was sure to hear of it later.

For now, he waited for Chopper to gather what he needed from the cabinets on the wall and hurry out to the temporary beds outside. Law looked to Sanji, waiting for something to happen on that slackened face. The oxygen that kept the cook breathing was the only sound in the room. It had seemed like Sanji had put his Germa suit to the test and lost it to some immense battle that had left him battered and broken. Chopper had already applied life saving techniques to him and had fought with what was left of his hooves and teeth to keep Sanji out of his family's hands; Law didn't know the story, and it wasn't his to snoop around to find out; he'd rather he hear it from the other man's mouth.

Common courtesy.

Law sat beside the bed, holding onto his sword with weary exhaustion. His sleeves were still rolled up to his elbows and his surgical gear was still clinging by their ties around his neck; but his hands were shaking and his chest was tight. The scar around his neck still felt raw and angry; he kept smelling burning flesh. It continued to resist his healing abilities, and caused him lingering worry.

But this time, it wasn't his own turmoil that was allowing the weight in his throat, but grave concern for selfish reasons that made him close to feeling panicked. Sanji's right arm was shattered from fingers to shoulder; his left leg forcing Law to concentrate for hours on removing and re-fitting every bone fragment he'd tugged from muscle and flesh to put back together. He wound up attaching steel to the cook's shin and knee with Franky's help. While Franky assured Law that these things weren't enough to slow Sanji down, it was the brain injury that had caused Law the most concern. He'd removed bone and metal debris from his own lover's brain matter and reattached veins and pieces so that Germa technology could force them to reattach and regenerate him back to life. The very same technology that put Luffy's body back together and Nami's hands back to wrist; Law was secretly impressed but hid that part back and away from his thoughts because now wasn't the time to marvel over the things he'd marveled over when he was a child.

The air was as still and heavy as the snow that had fallen that day Corazon died. Seemingly just as quiet. He didn't know who the other people were that the Strawhats adopted, and he didn't care. All he knew was that his crew was safe and capable, pirating whatever they could from Germa's more advanced tech and knowledge; that the Strawhats continued on for the last leg of their adventure, their goal that much closer.

His mouth was dry and heavy, but words bubbled and caught in his throat. His earlier Scan assured him Sanji wasn't brain dead – not yet, at least – but it did inform him that the next week or so was going to be a sleepless one.

His eyes dropped to the blood stained hand settled atop a stomach rounded with healing injury. Whatever Sanji had done to gain this much injury had been done to either protect his crew or strangers that weren't aware that they'd been saved by a god wearing a simple man's skin. It frustrated Law that Sanji thought himself that invaluable, to lose his life for others without considering Law's opinion on the matter.

"Selfish," he muttered bitterly, his words startlingly loud in the silent room. "You don't get to decide when you die. That's my job."

He desperately wished for Sanji to acknowledge him at that point; quite aware that this was everything he'd feared, something he'd wanted to get away from. But he used his sword for support, resting cheek on hand, waiting for the blond to open his eyes to look at him.

"I changed my mind for you, and you pull this dramatic act," he muttered low, narrowing his exhausted eyes. "You better wake the fuck up and acknowledge me, or else I'll fuck you up."

Chopper returned to the bay, dragging his hooves. Law straightened up immediately, certain he wasn't caught in a private moment of desperation. When the reindeer saw Law, he wiped his forehead and looked Sanji over. His expression was tearful and exhausted; Law felt his heartstrings tug. Cute animals were one of his biggest weaknesses.

"Thank you, Law," Chopper said, bowing his head. "I am so grateful you showed up when you did!"

"You morons have absolutely need to change your battle strategies," Law said gruffly. "I can't keep showing up from out of the blue to do everything."

"I'm so glad that you did!" Chopper sniffled. The reindeer was exhausted, wavering where he stood. He crawled up onto the bed to sit; Law was disappointed that Chopper didn't curl up like a cat at Sanji's feet. "You must've heard about it, huh? Made the news?"

Law gave him a puzzled look. "No. This idiot here called me."

"…when?" Tony looked at him with surprise, cocking his head. "Before or after Sakazuki's scary rampage? Because the Celestial Dragons had a Devil Fruit user that ate up all the communications technology we pirates had. We couldn't call in or out for reinforcements! But we were incredibly lucky that these people we made alliances with were already there! And for you for doing what you had to cut the rest of us out!"

Law didn't move for a few moments before his eyes darted to Sanji and then back to Tony. He named the day he'd taken Sanji's call, and was treated to Chopper's bewildered expression.

"That's impossible. He was…! He was…! He was already out by then, Law! His family were the ones to retrieve him because we couldn't! There's no way he could have called you then!"

"Don't get shrill with me. Just be grateful I was there when I decided I should be." Law then looked to Sanji with suspicion. "He's reached his true psychic potential. He should be allowed to die to prevent him from looking into our minds. There are some things in my mind I feel uncomfortable for him to see."

"He's not _psychic_ , Tra-guy," Chopper said with exasperation, rubbing at his eyes. "But maybe he was able to see into the future with his observational haki to call you for assistance before that Akainu guy nearly destroyed us all after fighting with Luffy's grandfather."

"He called me that day. At exactly 3:23 in the afternoon."

Chopper shook his head. "Impossible. Maybe you mistook the voice. I'm going to get some sleep. Please continue to watch over them."

With that, the reindeer hopped down onto the floor, dragging his hooves towards the kitchen. There were people laying in there, resting with healing injuries and being served tea and light foods by Brook and Jimbei. When the doors closed behind the reindeer, Law resumed looking over Sanji. Carefully, he reached out and brushed the tips of his fingers over the other man's forehead, revealing flesh wounds and healing burns that made Law uncomfortable to see.

But he was alive. And he'd called Law for help because he could trust and rely on him for help. Despite Law's many attempts to reject love, to make it difficult, someone valued and treasured him. That one gesture of calling for his help assured Law he was loved regardless; much like how Corazon had shown him.

Law was tired of running away. Tired of being angry.

He was ready to be loved. He hoped it wasn't too late.


End file.
